#399. Using words you learned in counseling._counselling uk counseling psychology

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#399. Using words you learned in counseling.

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stufffchristianslike 2008-09-11 21:45:05 Publish:

A year ago, while presenting a project I wrote to a client at work, I said something unintentionally funny. There in the middle of a long conference table, in a serious-looking office, I responded to his frown at what I had written with … counseling words.

Before I could pull the words back, I heard myself exclaim to him across the table,

"Let's unpack that frown."

It makes sense that I would use "unpack" as a verb that way, I've been to four counselors in the last ten years. I'm kind of a pro at this point. I mean I don’t sign autographs in the lobby or anything, but I know my way around a comfortable couch and a room with soft lighting. And consequently, I am fluent in the language of counseling.

Maybe you aren't though. Maybe you've never been for a variety of reasons but you would still like to talk as if you had. So here, is a quick guide on:

How to talk as if you've been to counseling:

1. Use "I statements instead of you statements"
I love this phrase, which is usually employed to indicate that you can't control how other people feel, you can only control how you feel. Here is what "you" statements look like: "You ate my last Hot Pocket. You need to stop being so selfish and not eat all the Hot Pockets. You have a real problem with hogging all the Hot Pockets." And here, are "I" statements: "I felt disappointed when I realized there were no Hot Pockets left, because I, much like comedian Jim Gaffigan, love the cheesy, meaty goodness that is the Hot Pocket. I would like to talk with you about the lack of Hot Pockets and understand where you are coming from on the whole Hot Pocket situation." See how much nicer that is?

2. Unpack
I think this word got picked up by the counseling community because if everyone has emotional baggage, then naturally they would want to unpack it. It's the best way to describe the process of understanding and getting rid of things from your past. Imagine if instead of "unpack," your counselor said, "I know that conversation hurt you, but let's lose that emotional baggage on a connecting flight from Nashville to Oklahoma City." That would just be awkward.

3. Verbal Reality
A verbal reality is this fantasy world people try to create with lots and lots of words. It's the belief that if I say something enough times, it will magically come true. They might even believe it at the time with all their heart, but without action, without real change, it's just a verbal reality and more words, piled on more words. For instance, when I was in my early 20s and told my parents, in front of all their friends, that I would send them to Europe as an anniversary present, and then proceeded to never do that, I had created a really massive verbal reality. I thought that just announcing the trip, with some pretty fantastic words, would make it happen, but apparently airlines no longer accept verbal realities instead of tickets.

4. Masks
A mask is exactly what it sounds like, a fa Yahoo: counselling psychology uk #399. Using words you learned in counseling. counselling uk counseling psychology
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